Worth Living For
"In the Middle Of Nowhere" by Hammock
Tony - "Im in pain, all right? I'm in f**king pain all the time. And I do shit like this cause it makes me feel better for a split second."
Brother in law - "Other people are in pain as well. Other people have shit going on. Other people have things they need to deal with."
Tony -"I just want to be out of pain. Either live without pain, or die without pain, whichever one comes first. I choose that, all right?"
-- "After Life" with Ricky Gervais on Netflix
I stumbled upon this show only days after losing our babies. I wanted to be distracted, I wanted to smile but I didn't want to smile too much. I wanted to feel something other than sadness but I didnt want to feel it too much. I wanted something that would still acknowledge my pain while taking some if away for just a few minutes.
This show did exactly that.
It even has a dog as a part of the story. Bonus.
It is definitely a dark comedy (not sure if I am using that term correctly) but it certainly has some dark themes to it while Ricky Gervais bring his typical sense of humor into it as well.
Quick summary with no spoilers: Ricky's character Tony loses his wife to cancer. His love for her is something out of a fairytale book and as a result her death completely destroys him. He openly talks of suicide and explains that for him its like a super power. Basically he can do WHATEVER he wants because there are no consequences... because he does not care about living anymore. Friends and family try to help but he is so heartbroken and misses his one true love so much that he doesn't listen. An admitted atheist, he is questioned why he wants to die when he doesn't even believe in an after life and he says:
"I would rather be nowhere with her than somewhere without her."
The show is full of people - again, his friends and family - trying to show him that happiness can still be found in this life. I am only half way through the season, but it appears some of that message may be softening Tony's broken heart.
I do not know what it is like to seriously consider suicide. That type of thought has never ever come close to my mind.
But I know EXACTLY the kind of pain that can drive a person to that point because that is what I am feeling every single day.
Every single day on this earth I cannot see, hear, touch, talk to, be with my babies is a day full of so much pain it could absolutely drive me mad.
I do not think I am exceptionally strong. I do not think I am exceptional at all actually. What I am is lucky. Yes thats right lucky.
Lucky to have the most amazing wife on the planet.
Lucky enough to have the most incredible family anyone could ask for.
Lucky enough for my friends who have always been there for me through a lot of hard times.
Lucky for my health , my home, my dogs and my job.
Lucky to have so many things worth living for.
Because without these things, I would not have survived this. At best I would be gone, at worse I would remain on this earth a complete shell of myself just passing the days until I can be with my children again.
"Happiness is amazing. It's so amazing, it doesn't matter if its yours or not."
I want to feel happy again. I want to make other people feel happy. I dont want to give up. I cant give up.
After all, its what I promised to you Graham and Savannah. And I will never, ever let either of you down.
Tony - "Im in pain, all right? I'm in f**king pain all the time. And I do shit like this cause it makes me feel better for a split second."
Brother in law - "Other people are in pain as well. Other people have shit going on. Other people have things they need to deal with."
Tony -"I just want to be out of pain. Either live without pain, or die without pain, whichever one comes first. I choose that, all right?"
-- "After Life" with Ricky Gervais on Netflix
I stumbled upon this show only days after losing our babies. I wanted to be distracted, I wanted to smile but I didn't want to smile too much. I wanted to feel something other than sadness but I didnt want to feel it too much. I wanted something that would still acknowledge my pain while taking some if away for just a few minutes.
This show did exactly that.
It even has a dog as a part of the story. Bonus.
It is definitely a dark comedy (not sure if I am using that term correctly) but it certainly has some dark themes to it while Ricky Gervais bring his typical sense of humor into it as well.
Quick summary with no spoilers: Ricky's character Tony loses his wife to cancer. His love for her is something out of a fairytale book and as a result her death completely destroys him. He openly talks of suicide and explains that for him its like a super power. Basically he can do WHATEVER he wants because there are no consequences... because he does not care about living anymore. Friends and family try to help but he is so heartbroken and misses his one true love so much that he doesn't listen. An admitted atheist, he is questioned why he wants to die when he doesn't even believe in an after life and he says:
"I would rather be nowhere with her than somewhere without her."
The show is full of people - again, his friends and family - trying to show him that happiness can still be found in this life. I am only half way through the season, but it appears some of that message may be softening Tony's broken heart.
I do not know what it is like to seriously consider suicide. That type of thought has never ever come close to my mind.
But I know EXACTLY the kind of pain that can drive a person to that point because that is what I am feeling every single day.
Every single day on this earth I cannot see, hear, touch, talk to, be with my babies is a day full of so much pain it could absolutely drive me mad.
I do not think I am exceptionally strong. I do not think I am exceptional at all actually. What I am is lucky. Yes thats right lucky.
Lucky to have the most amazing wife on the planet.
Lucky enough to have the most incredible family anyone could ask for.
Lucky enough for my friends who have always been there for me through a lot of hard times.
Lucky for my health , my home, my dogs and my job.
Lucky to have so many things worth living for.
Because without these things, I would not have survived this. At best I would be gone, at worse I would remain on this earth a complete shell of myself just passing the days until I can be with my children again.
"Happiness is amazing. It's so amazing, it doesn't matter if its yours or not."
I want to feel happy again. I want to make other people feel happy. I dont want to give up. I cant give up.
After all, its what I promised to you Graham and Savannah. And I will never, ever let either of you down.
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