Hamster Wheel
"Surround Me" Scott Stapp
"At every point in the human journey we find that we have to let go in order to move forward; and letting go means dying a little. In the process we are being created anew, awakened afresh to the source of our being."
Today my wife asked me "Have you been writing your blog?" I replied yes of course... but when I looked at my last entry I was shocked to see several days have passed.
How is that possible?
Right now life is like a hamster wheel. Sometimes I am at work and things are moving fast... sometimes I am in the yard with my wife and we are playing with the dogs enjoying the nice weather. Sometimes we are watching "The Office" and we actually laugh a little bit.
At times like that the wheel is moving fast and all we can think about is keeping that wheel moving. We dont want the wheel to stop moving so we keep going and we keep going and we keep going...
Inevitably the wheel has to stop.
Work comes to an end. The sun goes down and its time to go inside. The shows come to an end.
And everything hurts all over again. Except this time its accompanied with more and more guilt.
How could I let myself be distracted? How could I smile? How could I just go on with my days as if everything is normal when the reality is things will never ever be normal again?
And that's life right now. That is what our life is like.
Wake up and get on the wheel and move. Move as fast as you can, as much as you can, and dont stop. Try not to stop and when you finally have to stop just pray that you can fall asleep as soon as possible and pray that you dont dream those painful dreams.
So every day is like Groundhog Day. Its the same. It is suffering through grief, or running on the wheel to distract ourselves from grief... and that is it.
Therefore I havent written every day because I dont feel any different. I can't see the promise of one day being able to go on. I dont want to go on right now.
I just wanna keep running on this damn wheel.
"At every point in the human journey we find that we have to let go in order to move forward; and letting go means dying a little. In the process we are being created anew, awakened afresh to the source of our being."
- Kathleen R. Fischer
Today my wife asked me "Have you been writing your blog?" I replied yes of course... but when I looked at my last entry I was shocked to see several days have passed.
How is that possible?
Right now life is like a hamster wheel. Sometimes I am at work and things are moving fast... sometimes I am in the yard with my wife and we are playing with the dogs enjoying the nice weather. Sometimes we are watching "The Office" and we actually laugh a little bit.
At times like that the wheel is moving fast and all we can think about is keeping that wheel moving. We dont want the wheel to stop moving so we keep going and we keep going and we keep going...
Inevitably the wheel has to stop.
Work comes to an end. The sun goes down and its time to go inside. The shows come to an end.
And everything hurts all over again. Except this time its accompanied with more and more guilt.
How could I let myself be distracted? How could I smile? How could I just go on with my days as if everything is normal when the reality is things will never ever be normal again?
And that's life right now. That is what our life is like.
Wake up and get on the wheel and move. Move as fast as you can, as much as you can, and dont stop. Try not to stop and when you finally have to stop just pray that you can fall asleep as soon as possible and pray that you dont dream those painful dreams.
So every day is like Groundhog Day. Its the same. It is suffering through grief, or running on the wheel to distract ourselves from grief... and that is it.
Therefore I havent written every day because I dont feel any different. I can't see the promise of one day being able to go on. I dont want to go on right now.
I just wanna keep running on this damn wheel.
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