Goodbye ... for now...
Today we will bury our babies Graham Albert and Savannah Celeste in a plot where one day my wife and I will be buried as well.
I am terrified and anxious for what today will bring.
Since losing our babies one week ago, my wife and I have shut ourselves off from the world. We haven't seen anyone or left the house for the most part. We have gone from the bed, to the couch, back to the bed.
Will it be comforting to see family and friends again?
I know it will... but first it is going to hurt like hell because seeing them is one step closer to turning the page on my babies.
What do I mean by that? Since March 15 nothing has mattered but my babies... they are ALL we have thought about and talked about. They have consumed our every waking thought and emotion day and night.
But after today that will have to change. We will - because we need to - find a way to get back to living. It is after all what I promised our babies we would do for them.
I just know its going to be so hard. To say goodbye to them and know that the world will now keep going... to watch other moms and dads make memory after memory with their children while we continually miss out on memory after memory with our children.
I want to move past this phase of grief and I don't want to move past it... I want to cling on to it as long as I can as I feel like its all I have left in this world of my babies.
Today is a day I just never thought , never imagined would be a day that existed. I never in all my life imagined I would be attending a mass and burial with my wife to lay our TWO children down to rest.
We will find the strength ...
... I just don't know how.
I am terrified and anxious for what today will bring.
Since losing our babies one week ago, my wife and I have shut ourselves off from the world. We haven't seen anyone or left the house for the most part. We have gone from the bed, to the couch, back to the bed.
Will it be comforting to see family and friends again?
I know it will... but first it is going to hurt like hell because seeing them is one step closer to turning the page on my babies.
What do I mean by that? Since March 15 nothing has mattered but my babies... they are ALL we have thought about and talked about. They have consumed our every waking thought and emotion day and night.
But after today that will have to change. We will - because we need to - find a way to get back to living. It is after all what I promised our babies we would do for them.
I just know its going to be so hard. To say goodbye to them and know that the world will now keep going... to watch other moms and dads make memory after memory with their children while we continually miss out on memory after memory with our children.
I want to move past this phase of grief and I don't want to move past it... I want to cling on to it as long as I can as I feel like its all I have left in this world of my babies.
Today is a day I just never thought , never imagined would be a day that existed. I never in all my life imagined I would be attending a mass and burial with my wife to lay our TWO children down to rest.
We will find the strength ...
... I just don't know how.
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