Changing the World
"So Long, Good-bye" by 10 Years
“A child’s mind is not a container to be filled but rather a fire to be kindled.” – Dorothea Brande
We are just 5 weeks and 2 days away from our baby's due date.
So many emotions its impossible to explain.
We are supposed to be raising twins right now, and preparing for another baby... but instead we are discussing the time and the age and the way we will explain to our daughter what happened to her brother and sister and why they aren't here.
We are supposed to be celebrating this time with friends and family but instead we are having the police called to our home because a few friends and family were nice enough to drop off gifts and say hello (from 6 feet away of course).
We are supposed to be excited but there are just too many questions and too many people promoting fear instead of confidence.
Having a child is emotional enough. Having a child after losing twins is even more emotional. Having a child during a pandemic where the voices of fear are always louder than the voices of calm is something I never imagined.
It is making me think how I want to raise my children. I see how people are treating other people during this time and its as frightening as anything I have ever seen.
It should not be debatable that what we are experiencing is unique. It should not be argued that the issues sprung forth from the introduction of this virus come with so many difficult to answer questions. The impact of the decisions made by families and by those in charge are not simple ones. Facts are easy to come by, but almost impossible to discern. What is really true? What is propaganda? What is hearsay? What is politically biased?
But one side has emerged as the loudest and most aggressive. The vitriol from the "stay at home" side (for lack of a better phrase) has been vicious and relentless in my experience. Any attempt to offer an opposing argument has been met with harsh criticism and accusations of being "ignorant" or "not caring about who dies".
Who knows the truth? Who has the authority to speak with 100% certainty?
So people latch on... they latch on to a story they heard. They cling to a personal experience. It doesnt matter if that story or that experience is based on fact or if it is in line with scientific data. It attaches to their emotion and it triggers their mind to react, to respond, to attack. They get louder and more aggressive over time and after awhile they either bring people to their side or they silence the ones who disagree. People become afraid to share their opinion, afraid to think for themselves. It may start with a text message or a thread on social media, but eventually it permeates into their home and their workplace.
Choose a side: attack those who disagree with you, or stay quiet and do not speak.
This pandemic has shown this play out in real time.
I do not want my daughter to grow up like this. I want my daughter to be fiercely independent while equally earnest in her defense of other peoples right to have an opposing opinion. Whether its as serious as a pandemic or as trivial as a favorite sports team, I want her to have feelings and thoughts and always be able to articulate them and share them. I want her to always listen to others. In fact that will be one of the most important lessons I think my wife and I could ever teach her: listen before speaking, listen more than speaking, and listen with intent and purpose.
It is scary thinking about the world we are bringing our children into, but I know its not the world that will determine her fate. It will be her ability, her drive, her courage, her patience, her devotion, her understanding, her confidence, her unwavering faith in something bigger and better that will determine her lot in this world. She will know she cannot stop how the world treats her, but she can control how she treats the world.
I will never ask my children to think like me, and I will always encourage them to think for themselves. From her earliest moments, she will know that her mother and father respect her opinion and we support her. Even as a young child she will know the decisions we make on her behalf is not done in disregard of her thoughts and beliefs, but ultimately in conjunction with them. She will be raised to think for herself, to respect the decisions of others, and to control her reactions to those decisions.
I know all these things are "easier said than done" but when it comes to our children failure is not an option.
Because arguing on Facebook isnt going to change the world for the better.
Raising our children the right way, however, will.
“A child’s mind is not a container to be filled but rather a fire to be kindled.” – Dorothea Brande
We are just 5 weeks and 2 days away from our baby's due date.
So many emotions its impossible to explain.
We are supposed to be raising twins right now, and preparing for another baby... but instead we are discussing the time and the age and the way we will explain to our daughter what happened to her brother and sister and why they aren't here.
We are supposed to be celebrating this time with friends and family but instead we are having the police called to our home because a few friends and family were nice enough to drop off gifts and say hello (from 6 feet away of course).
We are supposed to be excited but there are just too many questions and too many people promoting fear instead of confidence.
Having a child is emotional enough. Having a child after losing twins is even more emotional. Having a child during a pandemic where the voices of fear are always louder than the voices of calm is something I never imagined.
It is making me think how I want to raise my children. I see how people are treating other people during this time and its as frightening as anything I have ever seen.
It should not be debatable that what we are experiencing is unique. It should not be argued that the issues sprung forth from the introduction of this virus come with so many difficult to answer questions. The impact of the decisions made by families and by those in charge are not simple ones. Facts are easy to come by, but almost impossible to discern. What is really true? What is propaganda? What is hearsay? What is politically biased?
But one side has emerged as the loudest and most aggressive. The vitriol from the "stay at home" side (for lack of a better phrase) has been vicious and relentless in my experience. Any attempt to offer an opposing argument has been met with harsh criticism and accusations of being "ignorant" or "not caring about who dies".
Who knows the truth? Who has the authority to speak with 100% certainty?
So people latch on... they latch on to a story they heard. They cling to a personal experience. It doesnt matter if that story or that experience is based on fact or if it is in line with scientific data. It attaches to their emotion and it triggers their mind to react, to respond, to attack. They get louder and more aggressive over time and after awhile they either bring people to their side or they silence the ones who disagree. People become afraid to share their opinion, afraid to think for themselves. It may start with a text message or a thread on social media, but eventually it permeates into their home and their workplace.
Choose a side: attack those who disagree with you, or stay quiet and do not speak.
This pandemic has shown this play out in real time.
I do not want my daughter to grow up like this. I want my daughter to be fiercely independent while equally earnest in her defense of other peoples right to have an opposing opinion. Whether its as serious as a pandemic or as trivial as a favorite sports team, I want her to have feelings and thoughts and always be able to articulate them and share them. I want her to always listen to others. In fact that will be one of the most important lessons I think my wife and I could ever teach her: listen before speaking, listen more than speaking, and listen with intent and purpose.
It is scary thinking about the world we are bringing our children into, but I know its not the world that will determine her fate. It will be her ability, her drive, her courage, her patience, her devotion, her understanding, her confidence, her unwavering faith in something bigger and better that will determine her lot in this world. She will know she cannot stop how the world treats her, but she can control how she treats the world.
I will never ask my children to think like me, and I will always encourage them to think for themselves. From her earliest moments, she will know that her mother and father respect her opinion and we support her. Even as a young child she will know the decisions we make on her behalf is not done in disregard of her thoughts and beliefs, but ultimately in conjunction with them. She will be raised to think for herself, to respect the decisions of others, and to control her reactions to those decisions.
I know all these things are "easier said than done" but when it comes to our children failure is not an option.
Because arguing on Facebook isnt going to change the world for the better.
Raising our children the right way, however, will.
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