Choose
Hildur Guonadottir - "Erupting Light"
"Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant."
- Viktor Frankl
It has been about 4 months since I last wrote in this blog. But it hasn't even been one second since I last thought about my children Graham and Savannah...
... because I think about them both every second of the day.
What would life be like right now? With our 4 month old twins? What would it be like to hold them and kiss them and watch them sleep next to each other? What would it be like to wonder about the color of their eyes and how their hair would look as it grew? What would it be like to be stressed about staying up all night with them and not getting any sleep for work the next day? What would it be like to see them seeing - I mean REALLY seeing - Michele and I for the first time?
I think about these things constantly. All day. Every single day.
They are such a huge part of my life. And I wish I could say I have it all under control but I don't. I want to burst out into tears every time I start to think about what should have been. I want to bawl my eyes out when I see twins out in the world or even on TV. The other day I drove by a house and saw a dad playing catch with his son and had to fight back tears thinking about how that could have been Graham and I one day. I see pics of friends holding their daughters at Disney and I am so overwhelmed with sadness knowing that I will never hold Savannah again.
Yes I am still a mess. I am still a basket of emotions all of which are enough to bring a grown man down.
But there is no way on Earth I am letting that happen.
And that is what the above quote means to me.
I have the power to choose. I have the power to take this pain and sadness and do something with it. My children weren't brought here to bring my wife and I down... its the EXACT OPPOSITE!!! They came - albeit for a heartbreakingly short time - to guide us, to help us, to give us the strength and courage to live our lives to the absolute fullest. They helped us realize the importance of a year, of a month, of a week, of a day, of an hour, of a minute, of every single second we get to experience on earth.
They have been the single greatest gift this world has ever given me. Obstacles may come but they will not define me. I have the power to choose. I have the power to decide how I perceive the world around me and the road in front of me.
And I choose to never wallow in self-pity. I choose to always believe in the best possible outcome. I choose to believe where more challenges exist, even more opportunity exists as well. I no longer see struggle as a negative, but as a ladder to climb to the top. I no longer wonder about my future, but instead feel confident in how I will shape it.
Its as if my whole life I just existed, but let circumstance dictate my journey.
And then Graham and Savannah came. They completely changed everything. And somehow through all of the heartache and sadness from them not being here, they taught me EVERYTHING I ever needed to know about happiness, love and perspective.
Here's to another amazing day and another chance to show the world what my children have taught me.
"Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant."
- Viktor Frankl
It has been about 4 months since I last wrote in this blog. But it hasn't even been one second since I last thought about my children Graham and Savannah...
... because I think about them both every second of the day.
What would life be like right now? With our 4 month old twins? What would it be like to hold them and kiss them and watch them sleep next to each other? What would it be like to wonder about the color of their eyes and how their hair would look as it grew? What would it be like to be stressed about staying up all night with them and not getting any sleep for work the next day? What would it be like to see them seeing - I mean REALLY seeing - Michele and I for the first time?
I think about these things constantly. All day. Every single day.
They are such a huge part of my life. And I wish I could say I have it all under control but I don't. I want to burst out into tears every time I start to think about what should have been. I want to bawl my eyes out when I see twins out in the world or even on TV. The other day I drove by a house and saw a dad playing catch with his son and had to fight back tears thinking about how that could have been Graham and I one day. I see pics of friends holding their daughters at Disney and I am so overwhelmed with sadness knowing that I will never hold Savannah again.
Yes I am still a mess. I am still a basket of emotions all of which are enough to bring a grown man down.
But there is no way on Earth I am letting that happen.
And that is what the above quote means to me.
I have the power to choose. I have the power to take this pain and sadness and do something with it. My children weren't brought here to bring my wife and I down... its the EXACT OPPOSITE!!! They came - albeit for a heartbreakingly short time - to guide us, to help us, to give us the strength and courage to live our lives to the absolute fullest. They helped us realize the importance of a year, of a month, of a week, of a day, of an hour, of a minute, of every single second we get to experience on earth.
They have been the single greatest gift this world has ever given me. Obstacles may come but they will not define me. I have the power to choose. I have the power to decide how I perceive the world around me and the road in front of me.
And I choose to never wallow in self-pity. I choose to always believe in the best possible outcome. I choose to believe where more challenges exist, even more opportunity exists as well. I no longer see struggle as a negative, but as a ladder to climb to the top. I no longer wonder about my future, but instead feel confident in how I will shape it.
Its as if my whole life I just existed, but let circumstance dictate my journey.
And then Graham and Savannah came. They completely changed everything. And somehow through all of the heartache and sadness from them not being here, they taught me EVERYTHING I ever needed to know about happiness, love and perspective.
Here's to another amazing day and another chance to show the world what my children have taught me.
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