Transformation

Soundtrack to the movie "Braveheart" 

"Stop fighting yourself and start fighting FOR yourself."

The transformation someone goes through when you suffer a tragedy such as losing your children or anyone you love is absolutely bizarre.

Everything from feeling compelled to love more and give more to emotions of anger and rage that seem at times almost impossible to contain.

One minute you are laughing and enjoying the weather.

The next you are cursing the sun and the sky and wishing it would be dark forever.

I keep waiting to realize who this new "me" will be now that we have endured the worst possible pain.  I was someone different after my dad died.  I was someone different again after losing my brother in law.

Now who am I?

I know - at my core - I cannot change who I am.  But something is happening... something is definitely happening inside of me and its vastly different than anything I have ever felt or known before.

I can see the sands in the hour glass that is my life quickly falling into the bottom, reminding me of how precious my time is here on earth.

I am realizing very clearly that there are things I am not going to tolerate any more.

My patience - of which I once had an infinite amount of (or so I thought) - is almost gone.

I will not allow others to treat me the way the want, hold an imaginary "power" over me, or hold me back from a life FREE of drama and unnecessary stress.

I am about to be 40.

Things are about to change.

And this time they WILL change for the better.

Stay tune.